Thursday, October 8, 2015

Thinking Thursday: The incredible slow journey to losing weight

What happens when I'm alone in a free virtual make over site. :) Photo on the left is from August 2015, the one on the left October 2015

 Facebook reminded me back on September 28th, that I started my new exercise regime back on that day a year ago. It's been a year of ups and downs, with more downs than ups until I had an epiphany.

When I was young, like many people, I didn't have a problem with my weight. By anyone's standards I was skinny and all was good. It wasn't really. After being told I was fat by a close friend of mine in High School, I started to do double the exercise sessions, and double the dance sessions. It didn't help. I was skinny, and curvy, 110lbs on a 5'1" frame wasn't by any means fat, but I still viewed myself as my friend did. 

Me at 20, university years
So when I started university and I couldn't work out as much because of going to school full time and holding down a full time job, I became more depressed. Still, I wasn't nearly as overweight and people made it out to be. I remember being 125lbs, looking great, or at least feeling great, when my mother had a chat with my boss in the restaurant that I used to work. They both agreed that I had to lose weight and the job might help. I was crushed. 

After that I had one of those fuck it moments, and stopped eating healthily. Worse, I stopped exercising at the university gym, the few hours I could squeeze in. I was still walking everywhere, and from that moment until two years later, even with all the walking, I put on 15 lbs. 

By the time I got married in 1999, I was a size 11. I told myself that I would lose the weight. We were getting ready to move to London, a city where you have to walk around, and run to catch trains, I told myself, it was the perfect place for me to lose the weight. By the time we arrived in London I was close to 150lbs. 

Two months later in August, I'd gone down to 138lbs, but I stopped my diet because I was pregnant. I went from 138lbs to 189 lbs whilst pregnant with my first son.  I wasn't eating for two, I was feeding myself with comfort food, as I found myself far away from family, friends and home. It didn't help that I didn't have extra support back then. It was just my husband and I in London. No friends. I spent a lot of time alone, with my bump, walking as much as I could, as I tried to get some sort of control over my eating habits. 
After my son was born, I lost the weight, and went down to 145lbs. I was happy that I could squeeze myself in my pre pregnancy jeans, however, that didn't last long. Even though I was walking everywhere, I was eating way too much. It took two years for me to realize that my weight had ballooned again. 

circa 1989

I was around 160lbs when I started my journey with Weight Watchers. In little to no time, I was back in my pre pregnancy clothes, wearing size 10 jeans. I was happy, but this didn't last. Why? Because I got lazy. Who wants to count points when you have a toddler to run after?

Moving to France, where I forced myself to cook with fresh vegetables every day rather than some days a week, and I had to walk around everywhere, the weight began to peel away again. I was determined to keep losing weight, after I'd had such a success with Weight Watchers, years before. I started eating portions and with the walking, soon enough, I was losing weight. Until I got pregnant. 
I stopped cycling, because I had no balance, but I made a conscious decision, since I was 35, that I didn't want to indulge, or rather over indulge, because of the complications that could arise from my age. I ate clean for 9 months, and my midwives were surprised that I'd only put on baby weight. Roughly around 20 lbs. 

This was a change from my first pregnancy, and I vowed to keep the eating habits. Unfortunately, that didn't happen.

Forward to 2015, I've been here in the US since 2011. I blame myself for the massive weight gain of course. When we arrived in the states, I was a size 12. I was walking as much as I could under the hellish sun in Tampa. However, I started to over indulge. EVERYTHING was appealing. Even things I knew that weren't good for me.  I went from a size 12 to a size 22 in pants. 
March 2011, England
 When my weight ballooned, it wasn't overnight, but it seemed like it to me, as I was in denial. The more people pointed out my weight, the more I ate, the more I said fuck it, and had a tub of ice cream, or ate almost an entire pizza on my own, because I didn't care. Why were they bugging me? I just had a child. I was tired, I was back in a place, where I knew, as I'd lived in Tampa before, my mother and aunt were near by, but I 'd lost my independence. 

Now I had to rely on someone driving me somewhere, because yes, I don't' drive. All the times that I took my children with me on the trains, the times the eldest and I would go for days out and picnics was now gone. And that infuriated me as much as my overeating, which ended up in a vicious cycle. 
October 2013
I started exercising after I saw this picture. I thought if I started to move around and skipped meals I would be fine. The truth is that my weight increased even more. 
May 2014
By the time my 40th rolled up, I lost track of how bit I was, because I didn't want to face the scale. I wondered what to do. I tried exercising again, and ended up on a losing battle. I would lose five pounds, and then gain 7 or 8. Until I started dealing with Beachbody work outs. 

My disclaimer is this: I'm not a coach, and I don't drink Shakeology because I have many food allergies. What I'm going to say is something that comes from the heart and I am not getting paid to talk about this.
When I started working out with Beachbody DVD's I chose Insanity. Why? Because I thought I needed something that would kick me into gear, and it was do or die situation. I love Insanity, and I was so happy with it, until I wasn't so happy with it because I hurt my knee. Then I stopped, rather than keep going. It wasn't the program, but me who had a problem. I let myself be conquered by the pain that I felt for a few days. I could have gone back but I didn't. I let it slip.

After that I tried T25. I could see the results, the weight was coming off, and then I stopped. I was becoming a serial quitter. Until I found PiYo.

I'd tried Turbo Fire, another one of Chalene's programs. I have to say that I hated it, and Only did one day of it, before quitting. However, after watching PiYo videos on Youtube, I convinced myself that i could do it. The first time I did it, I saw the results quickly, and I was happy with it. However, I soon fell off the wagon.

If I'd continued with PiYo I would have been closer to my weight goal, but I didn't. I stopped and over the summer my weight went up. After a health scare in August, I talked myself into picking PiYo again. I was expecting to fail once more. However, here we are six weeks in.
I'm no longer thinking of how many weeks I have left. Of How many minutes each work out is. I've started to take every day at a time, and more importantly, I've started to choosing health over guilty pleasures. It's a hard road. I sometimes wonder if this is how recovering alcoholics and addicts feel like. Because to me, food is an addiction. I have good days, and bad days. I've learned to deal with that, and rather than defeat myself, I've learned to pick myself up and go forward.

First Day of PiYo
I've stopped thinking about weight as well, instead I think of my health. And this is my advice to you. Only you can defeat yourself, so instead of hating on yourself when you fall off the wagon, climb back on it, dust yourself up, and look forward. You don't have to set huge goals. Little ones will give you more pleasure. Plus they're attainable. Focus on health, and the weight will follow.

Last day of the First Month of PiYo

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